Someone should spank me

I need to be spanked.
Got your attention? Well I'm not talking about that kind of spanking--I mean disciplined (I'm still not being kinky). I became one of those moms today that we all pity/loathe. The mom with her hands full and the overwhelmed look of shame on her face. The mom with the bratty kids on the brink of a total meltdown.
I will start this tale by informing you of my biggest weakness when it comes to parenting: DISCIPLINE. I suck at it. I suck so bad it's like I'm trying to raise ingrates. I see that pouty lip quiver and I cave. My kids all know that if they don't want to be punished for whatever mistake they just made, they just need to stick out that lip and cry.
I fold for a combination of reasons. I started being a pushover because I simply hate the inconvenience of punishing my kids. I hate the crying, the screaming, the having to remind them over and over of why they're in trouble. I come by this honestly. I was once grounded for my entire freshman year. Halfway thru my "hard time" my dad decided he could no longer stand me constantly being in his face. I was then only grounded on weekdays for the remainder of my sentence.
The other reason I fold is because I plain and simple worship my kids. I love those friggin brats and I hate seeing them upset...at me.
Today was already irritating without any help from my kids. My mood had lifted after a pep talk from Scott and at 2pm I went to pick them up from school. Today was the first day back for Elliot's dance class and my brother came along to see her tap away. While at dance I made the huge mistake of judging the improper conduct a group of unruly kids in the building and even posting this judgment to my facebook status. After dance I decided to treat my children to an ice cream at our local parlor and had visions of us having a lovely time leading into a calm evening (did I mention that Scott had a very rare evening out tonight?). At the parlor the kids were not good. Elliot had a full puss on the entire time and after ordering her ice cream she refused to eat it. Sophie was crawling all over the booths and Aiden kept flinging things across the room while claiming "I didn't do that". My brother and I sat in complete awe of the totally unfamiliar kids sitting with us. In our family you just didn't act like that. We come from a long line of serious children--we didn't roughhouse, tickle, act up in restaurants, fling gumballs, etc. We're Swensons...we're civilized. That being said I didn't really know how to respond to these kids. If I would've really thought about my childhood I would have known that the reason we were civilized was my mother didn't take any crap. If I acted up in a restaurant she'd grab my ass and head for the car. If I was bratty and spoiled at the store she'd leave a full basket and bolt for the door. I was a well trained child (my dad was the one I could irritate into un-punishing me). I am not a well trained parent.
As we finished up the most irritating ice cream related experience I've ever had, the kids wandered around with my brother while I paid. Upon exiting the building I noticed Ellie had her fist clenched and a very uneasy look rested on her face. I grabbed her hand, opened it and found a small stretchy toy that I did not pay for. My daughter was a thief. Suddenly I had a "what would Joy do" moment *note: Joy is my mother. I grabbed her by the arm and stormed right back into the parlor and presented my thief to the nearest employee. I told them she had attempted to steal a toy and she had some apologies to give. Elliot in shock by my actions (I'll admit my original thought was to run to the car like Oceans 5 and never speak of it again) began to hysterically cry. The whole place stopped stuffing their face to look at the terrible mother and her terrible child.
The car ride home was not pleasant. My brother calmly tried to explain to the kids why I was so fuming pissed. "You guys have a good thing going here, don't screw it up" Ed says while I go on and on about why stealing is bad. I was so mad at myself that I could barely drive. Eight years of parenting ran through my mind. All the lack of discipline had led up to this. Because of my irresponsible parenting my daughter was half way to being in the mafia. I kept hearing Dr. Phil in my head saying "How'd you think this would end up?" and my only answer was "I thought they'd always have fond memories about how wonderful and loving their mom was".
I'm so embarrassed to admit that I want them to like me so desperately that I've compromised their respect for me. I spoke to Aiden later and asked him if he thought this would have happened had Scott been there, and he point blank said no. Scott follows through with his words and because of that our kids respect him.
Today I came to a fork in the road. I could have easily avoided the humiliation and grabbed Ellie and headed for the car instead of the parlor. I could have cemented in her brain that she can steal something and still get away with it. Instead I put a pretty bold memory in her head that she'll hopefully remember when she's a parent, just like I remember Joy hauling me to the car while the rest of our family finished their dinner. My mom allowed herself to be inconvenienced in order to instill some respect and civility into her child. My memories with my mother aren't bad. She was and is loving, nurturing and fun. I liked her as a child and as an adult I like her so much I call her every day. So I need to remember that when the lips pout out and their eyes get huge and glossy. I can follow through with a punishment and still have kids that like me. Or I can start saving for bail money instead of college.