When I was in elementary school I was a special kind of dorky. I was freakishly tall, wore huge glasses, rocked the hair of the 48 yr old lunch lady (thanks mom) and was most definitely not popular. We moved to California when I entered high school and I had luckily stopped growing, discovered contacts and got a more modern hairstyle and I finally had lots of friends. In school you aren't as choosy with who you hang out with. Your only requirements are that they are sort of nice (and even that's not a deal breaker), can tolerate you and won't make you a social pariah (unless you already are one and in that case beggers can't be choosers). In adulthood you have the luxury of being a bit more picky.
In the town I live in I've noticed that if you're not still friends with the people you went to high school with you're sort of screwed. I have managed to keep in touch with a handful of my high school buddies but more than half of them moved away. The friends I have made on my own need to meet requirements that I never cared about when I was childless or husband less. Here they are.
1. Must be cool to my kids; one of our friends wife cussed (full f bomb) while holding a then 11 month old Elliot because she put her finger in the babes mouth and got bitten. What did she think would happen? Needless to say she is now persona non gratta at Casa Cooper.
2. Must tolerate my husbands quirky sense of humor; Just like my father has done for Joy I find myself constantly saying "he's joking" after everything Scott says. For a couple years a few of my friends were convinced Scott hated them. A couple were right. Scott is a genuinely nice guy but if the mood strikes him he loves to joke.
3. Doesn't judge my religious or political beliefs; Don't come in my house and state that you're an atheist and therefore think I'm an ignorant, straw chewin', Christian dummy. I'm not saying I don't have friends with different beliefs but those that are rude about mine (or insist on debating them) don't leave with a good feeling.
4. No matter how close you think we are I'm still not comfortable with hugs, kisses on the cheek, etc. I'm a lover of the personal space bubble and if compelled I may give you a signature Sarah half hug but that's rare so don't push it.
5. And finally--your drama is at a minimum. This is not high school so I don't want to hear all your ridiculous gossip and dramatic stories. If you require so much attention that I begin neglecting my family, you get the boot. This is how I lost one of my best friends. My husband and kids come before friends. Kinda like "bros before hoes".
Recently I've reevaluated a few of my friendships and noticed that I have some that need to be scaled back. I suppose what I mean with this blogs title is that friendships should benefit you in some way. When I was 15 I was friends with girl I couldn't stand because she had her license. I'm now 29 and can now drive myself around so the benefits I speak of are a bit deeper. I need my friendships to make me feel good inside. I have a friend now that always makes me feel sort of crappy and dumb and it's made me realize how bad I need friends that are there when I need them and that I want to be there for in return. So, today think about the close relationships you have and think to yourself if those people are benefiting your life or are they harming it. Life is too short for toxic people. I had a high school teacher tell me once that I was highly influenced by the company I kept. That really offended me because I thought I was unique and independent. My husband had a friends dad say "if you float with turds you smell like crap" (at the time he was referring to my husband as a turd) but it is still so true. Today smell yourself and decided whether or not you'd gag a maggot.
In the town I live in I've noticed that if you're not still friends with the people you went to high school with you're sort of screwed. I have managed to keep in touch with a handful of my high school buddies but more than half of them moved away. The friends I have made on my own need to meet requirements that I never cared about when I was childless or husband less. Here they are.
1. Must be cool to my kids; one of our friends wife cussed (full f bomb) while holding a then 11 month old Elliot because she put her finger in the babes mouth and got bitten. What did she think would happen? Needless to say she is now persona non gratta at Casa Cooper.
2. Must tolerate my husbands quirky sense of humor; Just like my father has done for Joy I find myself constantly saying "he's joking" after everything Scott says. For a couple years a few of my friends were convinced Scott hated them. A couple were right. Scott is a genuinely nice guy but if the mood strikes him he loves to joke.
3. Doesn't judge my religious or political beliefs; Don't come in my house and state that you're an atheist and therefore think I'm an ignorant, straw chewin', Christian dummy. I'm not saying I don't have friends with different beliefs but those that are rude about mine (or insist on debating them) don't leave with a good feeling.
4. No matter how close you think we are I'm still not comfortable with hugs, kisses on the cheek, etc. I'm a lover of the personal space bubble and if compelled I may give you a signature Sarah half hug but that's rare so don't push it.
5. And finally--your drama is at a minimum. This is not high school so I don't want to hear all your ridiculous gossip and dramatic stories. If you require so much attention that I begin neglecting my family, you get the boot. This is how I lost one of my best friends. My husband and kids come before friends. Kinda like "bros before hoes".
Recently I've reevaluated a few of my friendships and noticed that I have some that need to be scaled back. I suppose what I mean with this blogs title is that friendships should benefit you in some way. When I was 15 I was friends with girl I couldn't stand because she had her license. I'm now 29 and can now drive myself around so the benefits I speak of are a bit deeper. I need my friendships to make me feel good inside. I have a friend now that always makes me feel sort of crappy and dumb and it's made me realize how bad I need friends that are there when I need them and that I want to be there for in return. So, today think about the close relationships you have and think to yourself if those people are benefiting your life or are they harming it. Life is too short for toxic people. I had a high school teacher tell me once that I was highly influenced by the company I kept. That really offended me because I thought I was unique and independent. My husband had a friends dad say "if you float with turds you smell like crap" (at the time he was referring to my husband as a turd) but it is still so true. Today smell yourself and decided whether or not you'd gag a maggot.
No comments:
Post a Comment