99 Problems

I've got 99 problems...but a movie career ain't one

My open letter to Gwyneth Paltrow

Sorry I haven't written in a while, but to be completely honest..........I'M BUSY

The other day my middle child told me she couldn't wait to be a grown up. She'd watch TV late at night and stay up until she is good and tired. She'd eat cookies for breakfast and mac and cheese every night. Ellie's days would be filled with playing fetch with her dogs and tween movie marathons. Life would be epic. I rolled my eyes at her assumption knowing damn well that being adult rarely includes any of her dream activities. Cookies give me immediate stomach aches, mac and cheese goes straight to my back fat and my days are filled with carrying loads of laundry in a basket while attempting to Parkour* my way through the maze of lounging dogs and the random collection of shoes that my kids toss all over the halls in an attempt to keep me teetering on insanity. I will let my daughter continue to believe that life will be only fun and games after high school whilst occasionally giving her life skills to save her when the shit hits the adult sized fan. I really can't complain about my life. When we started our family it was our decision for me to put aside my career asperations and focus on our children. Those children that we (for the most part) conscientiously made and are our current reasons for living. When I trip over the ginormous labradoodle laying horizontally across the doorway to the laundry room and spill piles of tinkerbell underpants and basketball shorts, I try to remember that this time is short and these hooligans will be off discovering the truth about adulthood and no longer depending on me to clean their underwear. I get irritated but I'm grateful. 

Recently, actress Gwyneth Paltrow opened her mouth and said some pretty insipid things that re-ignited the long simmering "mommy wars" that only we moms totally understand. When you're little like my Ellie, you are told that you can have it all. Gloria Steinam burned her bra and in the smoke we women were "guaranteed" that we could be wives, mothers, friends, social butterflies, career women AND sex goddesses all at once (and not always in that order) without any of our responsibilities being neglected. We are women! We are tough! We bleed for a week without dying! Surely if anyone could pull multiple lives off it is us. I am sorry but that is complete and total BS. We are constantly over worked, tired, crabby and guilt ridden. If I'm going to be able to take a totally relaxing, rejuvenating nap or bath then my jobs for the day better be finished or else I feel lazy or selfish. It isn't true, but as a woman that wants to be a good mom and wife...its a thought that enters my brain daily. Gwyneth Paltrow says that it is far easier to be a regular working mother than a busy Hollywood actress. Ms. Paltrow needs a severe wake up call on what every day mothers go through. I don't have an office job. My job is maintaining the home and family that my husband and I built together and making sure I raise 3 responsible, kind, open minded, non-drug addicted children. If I added a friggin' job outside the home my brain would explode. However, many women don't have the benefit of being home all day. They either worked very hard for their career or need the money. They don't make millions per movie and have the extra funds to hire a nanny or housekeeper. Not only that but why should other people raise our children. When Paltrow decided to have her children (you know the ones shes saddled with ridiculous names) she gave up the right to bitch to the masses. Maybe she should call Madonna and bitch about how exhausting it is to work a job that requires so much of herself. 

Look, I get that every mother's experience is her own. I also know that MOTHERS are the most judgmental people on Earth. When I need a good old fashioned vent session I don't usually go to my friends that are working mothers. They don't understand my issues and deep down I know they're rolling their eyes on the other end of the phone thinking "please she doesn't even have to wear a bra every day".  Gwynnie should call up one of her friends and bitch and moan about her difficult life--not put it out there to give us little people a case of the fits. The mommy wars are getting old and I don't want to keep them going. If we stick to the cardinal rule of never comparing our experience with others than maybe we moms can all live together in harmony. 

I'd love to say I take my own advice but clearly I don't. I'm pissed and that bitch ruined Iron Man.

*Parkour (French pronunciation: ​[paʁˈkuʁ]) is a holistic training discipline using movement that developed from military obstacle course training.