Stay at Home Guilt?

I am a stay at home mom and wife. I hadn't known I'd enjoy it as much as I have. I've never missed a milestone or event in any of my three children's lives. I have gone to every doctor appt, playdate and every lesson. It isn't a lifestyle choice I made prior to having my first child. I simply quit working because it would cost me as much in daycare as I was going to make. My husband had recently started a business, we'd just bought a more expensive home and it was a very stressful first year, but we squeaked by and I fell into a routine. Being alone with my son was awesome experience, however it had its drawbacks. I was lonely, sleepy, sometimes even bored and  had lost all connection with the outside world. By the time baby #2 and #3 showed up I could scratch more and more of that off the list. We had made great groups of friends with children (we were the first of all our pre-kid friends to have kids), 3 tiny people running around make it hard to be bored, they're old enough now to allow me sleep and their school, my husband and my friends keep me pretty connected to the world. I'm very very content and happy with my job.
What could possibly be wrong with my life, right? Well I'm going to admit to something that most moms are never supposed to admit...we are sometimes selfish, lazy and guilty. Harsh? Quite, but true. I have chosen lunch with a girlfriend over errands or housework. I've laid on the couch and had a Pioneer Woman marathon. All of the aforementioned occasionally makes me feel like shit. When my kids were all home during the day I was a martyr for the cause. "I'm exhausted!" I'd exclaim when my husband would come home from work. I'd secretly pout while everyone was relaxing or playing and I'm having to make dinner, eat last, clean it up, etc. I was self-righteous at times and jealous of my husbands ability to be very close to his pre-kid self (admit it guys, your wife does wayyyy more) all the while letting yourself go or putting yourself last.  Hey, I carried, delivered and breastfed 3 friggin children. Sure I'd get like a week off after each delivery, but I was still needed to be on my toes. I was a saint. I had earned that shit. Fast forward a few years and at least 4 days a week completely kidless. I've got 2 in grade school and one in Pre-k and thanks to a fabulous Mother in Law- a "nana and kid" day. Its a Tuesday and she's done it with each kid before they go to school and it used to be the only free day I had. I'd shove grocery shopping, dental/doc appts and occasionaly a lunch alone with my husband. I now have my choice of what day I go grocery shopping. I can go every other dang day if I want to, and sometimes I do. I have lunch with my husband almost all of those days, and sometimes I purposely don't leave the house so I get to all those unfinished projects, deep cleaning, gardening or writing. Sure, I'm a neat freak that does actually clean her house every day. I also know that as moms our days are almost always filled with laundry, kid care, straightening, cooking and any general housewife stuff. Even our "days off" are filled with chores or unexpected messes. However, they don't take all day anymore. You aren't donating 4 hours a day to toddler food messes or play disasters. Also it's much easier to run  errands without your kids. A grocery trip that used to take 2 hours plus cost twice as much, now takes 40 minutes tops and thats with browsing. Life is easier.
I decided to go with my dream to start writing professionally. Even this decision makes me feel guilt ridden. Of course the minute I have more kid free time I go and select a barely paying job that I can do whenever and in whatever clothes I want to. As I type it is 12pm and I'm still in my yoga pants (I never did any yoga) and the shirt I slept in. My eyebrows are sparse and my usual cat eyed makeup isn't to be found. Hell, I haven't even put a bra on yet. My house is immacutaly clean thanks to my usually burst of energy at around 9am. My menagirie of pets are napping all around me and I'm on m 4th cup of coffee. My chores take such little time comparatively that I actually re-designed my youngest daughters barbie house. I feel the usual twinge of guilt at how easy I have it. My husband is a small business owner. Not only does he have to worry about his family and his wife's lavish Target lifestyle, but a dozen other families. My girlfriends that work outside the home have to work all day to come home and run their household. I can't help but feel a bit awful.
Yes I'm beyond blessed and my life isn't like every stay at home mom. Some have many more kids than I or have a child with special needs. However, if your story is similar to mine than it's time to admit that our life rocks. Everyone says we have the hardest job on Earth. That depends on what your definition of hard is. Yes I have to worry about my kids and how their raised, but so do parents that work. We don't care for our children more because we stay home. A household that is strapped for cash and having to both work while living on a strict budget has it so much worse than I do. I am lucky enough to not "have" to work. Yes it would be great if I could contribute more financially. We are by no means wealthy and without a care in the world. I have to stick to a budget and there is no excuse for my house to be dirty. I'd be re-evaluating my life if I was at the spa  twice a week or sipping cocktails by a pool all day. I'm by no means a kept woman. I just need to quit feeling like a mooch.
3pm remains the worst hour of my day. It's when all my kids get home. It's not that I don't  want to see them and hear about their day. I love their faces and laughs so much. Sadly, life isn't an episode of Leave it to Beaver and my kids are generally yelling at each other or bitching about being hungry. They are sweet children but 3pm they are little monsters. How can that not make one feel guilt? 

Is it our lot in life? Feeling bad about our choices? Maybe someday I'll get a higher paying job outside the home. Maybe someday I'll learn to feel only thankfulness for my situation. Being a mom means giving 110% of yourself to your children while balancing the proper treatment and love for yourself and your spouse. I only hope I learn to balance before my last child gets married. Maybe I never will. Until I figure it out I am going to slap on my yoga pants and head to target with Starbucks in hand. Maybe I'll find my peace there.